#had that with OCPD

[podcast-hemocytoblast]

It would’ve been really awkward if Jon had just kept running into former Statement givers in public. Like, imagine you’ve spent months dealing with some fucked up eye creature haunting your nightmares to feast upon your fear, but then you spot him at Tesco as he’s pulling out a calculator to figure out which loaf of bread (on sale!) offers the most bread per pound (🍞/£). How would you cope with that?

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

ocpd is so annoying. like what do u mean one time i cried because i realised i turned in an essay that accidentally used a bibliography style citation in the notes for a single footnote.

[sch-com]

is it even possible to be this fucked up that professionals can't agree on what's wrong. I'm guessing yes and that it's a much more common experience than I'm thinking but like damn.

[muji-milk]

I dislike self diagnosing because honestly, if I scrutinize my habits and personality at a particular angle I could see how it matches literally any symptoms and traits of any given disorder, when in reality it's often just human nuance. But. There's definitely something wrong with me even though I said I was content with my quirks and it wasn't harming me. Anway I've never seen OCPD as a much-talked-about disorder but boy do I have that.

[iruludavare]

{ ooc. I may not have done any writing yesterday but what i Did do was deep clean my entire house. Every room. Every door. Every skirting board. every tile, floarboard, nook and cranny. Even the outside areas are spotless

my house is ✨extremely clean✨ }

[rotting-charm]

they diagnosed me with the being perfect disorder💔

[ur-stepdad]

apparently you're not allowed to edit a reblog of a poll you've voted in

but i was looking at tags on that last post and one of them reminded me of my imaginary ENEMIES

for a while, probably 2-3 years when I was around 10, i had to do a ritual every time i used the bathroom at home. i would flush the toilet and then if i didn't finish washing my hands and pose before the toilet finished flushing, this group of elves/gnomes/some kind of small prankster-types, would Get Me

the way i got out of doing it was one day i just thought "he died" as in the leader of the elves. and that worked i never had to do it again

[trainerethan]

Sorry anon I might just pass out. Time old tradition of Ethan napping at ridiculous hours.

[inkykeiji]

How do you feel about Stanley Kubrick and his films?

absolutely love his work to death and find his artistic process both endlessly fascinating and extremely relatable. i too am a perfectionist who absolutely can not throw any of my notes or old materials out (i keep copies of every single thing i create, every single draft, etc etc etc, the thought of deleting anything or throwing it away giving me extreme anxiety), need to endlessly and obsessively go over my work to make sure it is as perfect as it possibly can be—that i haven’t missed anything that could possibly make it even better—thus making my process ten times longer than it should be, and have extreme trouble delegating tasks to other people because i know they won’t ‘do it right’ so i must do it all myself. so i find comfort in his process hahaha because it makes me feel less alone and less fucking crazy. overall though i think his work is incredible and i think he was very talented. my favourite kubrick film is a toss up between a clockwork orange and the shining c:

also this memo is my favourite thing in the whole world

[writers-potion]

Writing Mad Characters

Okay this is a bit awkward because I had this question copypasted into Google Docs I use to draft my answers, and I realized I've lost the question in my inbox (which is being flooded).

So...I'm so sorry for whoever asked this question. Sorry for the delay because I was struggling with life in general for the past month and definitely SORRY for losing your question (－‸ლ)

Q: I'm writing a story where a major character is slowly spiraling into madness where small details kinda hint into the downfall right before the bigger details appear and then it the floodgates open. Is there anything I should avoid? Anything that I should keep in mind? Anything that I should research?

Things to Avoid

“Mad” or “Insane” is too general. Writing a cliched ‘crazy’ character who randomly talks to imaginary people and lashes out at strangers, you’ll offend a whole bunch of people who've gone through/have mental illnesses. Read up on existing mental conditions (schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic disorder and borderline personality disorder, etc.) to see what your character might have. 

Words like “mad” “crazy” or “insane” aren’t enough when you’re describing their status. As mentioned, these words hardly mean much when it comes to providing a clear description.

Contradicting yourself. Throwing random unhinged symptoms here and there wouldn’t work. In fact, you must have a clear arc on which they’re traveling and ensure that your “hints” are all getting at something.

Making the character overly destructive or harmful to others (when nothing really justifies it)

Justifying damaging behavior with this “madness”. Mad or not, your character will still have motives and goals that drive them forward. 

Making them look incompetent just the fact that they have a mental condition that makes them appear “mad” to others shouldn’t prevent them from achieving success. In fact, they may be even more cool-hearted and logical when it comes to their obsessions/goals. 

Research Tips

Narrow down the mental conditions your character experiences. Even if it’s a fictional condition, try basing it on existing ones and building on top of them. 

Take some time to study characters and/or real clinical cases that resemble the kind of madness you’re going for. 

- Anxiety Disorders: excessive fear and dread (ex. phobias) - Mood Disorders: persistent swings in mood or persistent feelings that interfere with daily life (ex. Depression, bipolar) - Psychotic Disorders: disordered thinking (ex. schizophrenia) - Eating Disorders: extreme emotional attitudes toward food (ex. Bulimia, anorexia) - Impulse Disorders: unable to resist urges (ex. Kleptomania, pyromania, gambling) - Personality Disorders: extreme inflexible personality traits (ex. Anti-social disorder, OCPD) - Past Traumatic Stress: persistent, frightening memories leading to emotional numbness 

Does your character have empathy?  

A sociopathic kind of madness is different. 

General Writing Tips for Spiraling into Madness

Establish a Baseline 

A lot of factors (stress, family history, innate personality, trauma, etc.) can contribute to madness, but it is not going to happen in a week. Define the existing mental and physical conditions your character has, and start from there. 

If you’re aiming for suicidal tendencies at the end, you want to start with symptoms of depression (a condition that may lead to suicide) - growing apathetic, erratic sleeping patterns, irritability, etc. 

This is also the stage where you want to plant some triggers that’ll go off later.

Trigger Events

A perfectly sound character suddenly spiraling down the madness route due to a single accident or traumatizing event isn’t convincing. 

A madness “snap” denies the reader the experience of watching the character’s journey into madness and how they feel about it. 

Internal Conflict (antagonist in himself) 

You must remember that madness is incurable. If someone could “cure” themselves by eating healthy, exercising and taking a few pills, it wouldn’t be much of a madness, would it? This means that the worst antagonist is going to be the character themselves, or the part of them that’s been taken away. 

Show how they are frustrated with themselves, scared of themselves, angry at their “alternative self”. The experience of not knowing yourself is a whole journey of its own.

Physical Manifestations/Quirks

If your character has a routine, show how they break down. 

They might develop habits that they otherwise would never allow themselves to have, perhaps as an effort to “keep this madness out”

Deteriorating Relationships

Depict how the character’s madness impacts his closed/loved ones. In the earlier stages, those close to him might be faster to notice and accept the signs of madness, even if the character denies it him/herself.

The first signs of madness might show when the character is trying to deal with difficult relationships - like losing patience and being unable to pick up subtle social clues.

Choosing Obsessions Over Primal Urges 

For these characters, obsession can take over a person’s normal urge to eat, sleep or even live. This can lead to, more or less, suicide. 

Example: In Black Swan, Nina’s obsession with becoming the perfect ballerina drive her to insanity, to the point where she doesn't mind dying on stage for the show.

[musashi]

thanks for watching my video!

I'm watching this analysis of Manfred von Karma, and stumbled upon this comment, referring to this scene:

Apparently yes, while that word can mean "incompetent, worthless", its main meaning is a more neutral "inexperienced", which fits the context of von Karma not trusting Edgeworth to be ready much better without implying he verbally abuses him so casually.

I'm honestly shocked. I was also one of those people who took that at face value and deduced von Karma always spoke lowly of Edgeworth. That's on par with SA1 translating "Guess I have no other choice" when Sonic has to chase Amy into Twinkle Park as "That girl is such a pain"/"I give up, she's so weird".

Hell, I remember something similar done in the first and third game! Characters were turned into assholes for no good reason!

Localizations are a terrible weapon, guys.

(of course, this is not to say that he did nothing wrong and he was a perfect father/mentor: he fucked up Edgeworth and Franziska quite nicely, even without counting the whole murder and framing thing lol. But it's much easier to believe that he was, overall, an incredibly strict but fair person to his children/protégé. Remember, Edgeworth's respect for him felt genuine, not just out of fear)

[plurapony]

if you self diagnose... you're super cool!

talked to my therapist regarding diagnosis and she told me that essentially diagnosis is just a tool to get the framework of how your brain functions.

there are criteria for diagnosis but when you already have several you're gonna be more likely to meet the criteria for others even if they may not apply to you.

she says a good way to phrase it when you aren't formally diagnosed is "i identify" ie "i identify with DID and OCPD". she used my autism as an example, something I've had my entire life but only recently got formally diagnosed. ive had it my entire life and grown accustomed to the symptoms and how to deal with it. nothing changed when i got diagnosed only now i KNOW i have autism for sure. she even said that she would advise in letters to doctors etc that those diagnosis are something i identify with.

so if you're struggling to get a diagnosis! it's okay, just do your research and you can say you identify with the diagnosis all you want! there is absolutely no shame in wanting to know what's different about your brain and there's no shame in identifying with a particular label for it either!

[IMAGE ID: ponyville is a (pro) endo free zone break dni and get blocked loser! END ID]

[mymoodwriting]

Because You're Mine

Female!Reader x Werewolf!SKZ

Genre: A/B/O

Warning: Drugs, Sedatives, Needles, Betrayal, Revelations, Technology, Secrets, Society Norms, Mentions of Non-Consentual Operations, Assault, Mentions of Assault, Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Physical Abuse, Depression, Vomiting, Intrusive Thoughts, Suicidal Thoughts, Minor Self-Harm, Violence, Physical Violence, Claws, Fangs, Blood, Biting, Screaming, Mental Break Down

Words: 3.5K

Chapter Seven

(Prev//Next) (@starillusion13 @salfetkablog @youngunknownwitch @loveforred @hydroyaksha @meowmeeps @azazel-nyx @luvyev @stellasays45 @littlebaby-bunbun @bangchansgirlsblog @puppyminnnie @bahablastplz)

Prompt: With omegas completely removed from society, they needed their own communities and institutions to grow. All your life you had lived and gone to school alongside your fellow omegas, and orphaned alphas. You had managed to keep yourself together, but now at the university level, keeping your secret had grown impossible. You had to face your fears and make friends with an alpha eventually, and now was the time.

“Wakey, wakey.”

As you began to regain your senses you felt this slight pinch in your arm. You whimpered and opened your eyes, but everything was still a blur. You could tell you were back in the dorm by scent alone, and realization made you uneasy. You felt yourself lying on a couch and slowly sat up, rubbing the haziness from your eyes. Your vision cleared up and the first thing you noticed was Felix and Jisung sitting on the other couch, both of them with their heads down. Behind them Jeongin, Seungmin and Hyunjin stood, and they were watching you with blank expressions. You averted your gaze only to realize Minho and Changbin were standing behind you. Their presence made you feel rather small, and then your eyes landed on Chan sitting across from you. For a moment you just stared, but when Chan’s gaze met yours you immediately looked to the floor.

“Honestly… I’m surprised you actually did it. When I heard you wanted to run away, I thought you were just saying that, but you actually went through with it. That was quite bold of you.”

Chan reached over to grab a bag of gummies from the table. All your supplies had been laid out before you, like putting your shame on display. When you saw him grab for the gummies, you made an attempt to speak, but you never got word out.

“These aren’t laced with melatonin. They never were.”

“… what…”

You definitely weren’t all there, feeling this kind of fog in your head, so it took your mind a bit to process what Chan had said.

“… you… you pretended… you knew… all along… why… how… how did you-”

It suddenly clicked. The slow pain of realization spreading as you turned to face Felix and Jisung. Both of them refused to meet your gaze, and you could see Jisung was fidgeting. They were nervous.

“… did you… did you tell them…?” Silence was a very clear answer. “… how could… why… why-”

“Don’t be mad at them. They’re good omegas who do as their alpha says, give or take some persuasion. Afterall, I was the one who asked them to check in with you cause I knew you wouldn’t talk to any of us, so don’t blame them.”

“… then why… why couldn’t you… just let me go… just let me leave!”

“We can’t do that. It’s our job to protect you.”

“Liar!” You jumped to your feet. “You’re all liars!”

You only remained standing for a moment before you were hit with a dizzy spell. You stumbled a bit which prompted Changbin and Minho to help you sit back down. After a moment your head cleared, but it didn’t help with your current situation. Chan came over to your side, kneeling next to you.

“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I need you to understand we have your best interests in mind. Back then omegas were treated awfully. They were at the bottom of society, constantly abused and hurt simply for being omegas. That wasn’t their fault, but it wasn’t right to let that go on, so the OCPD was formed. We’re here to make sure you live a good, and safe life. Trying to run away isn’t a good idea, besides, you have a chip in the back of your neck that tracks your location.”

“What!”

You immediately reached up to the back of your neck, noticing in the corner of your eye that Felix and Jisung did the same thing. They didn’t know about this either, no omega probably did. For a moment you wondered when that had been done, but then the answer came to you.

“… that dinner… when you drugged the food… is that when…”

“Yes. The chip also tracks your vitals, and while you were under doctors made sure to operate so you couldn’t get pregnant. The meds are to balance your hormones as well. Of course the procedure is reversible but-”

“Chan!” Minho yelled. “You can’t-”

“This was not meant to be some big secret. All omegas are eventually told about this, they’ll just know about it sooner than most. If things are gonna get better here we have to be honest about everything.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“… there’s more…?” You mumbled. “… what else did you do to us…?”

“It’s not about what we did, but what those monsters did a long time ago. You asked me once why the OCPD existed, and the truth is we’ve known since the beginning of the academic year.” Chan took a moment. “When omegas go into heat for the first time, the experience is so intense they block it out. It takes a few days for them to regain their memories, and they’re very vulnerable around that time. Omegas suddenly get needy and if someone indulges them it runs the risk of frying the omegas brain, leaving them with nothing but their basic instincts.” 

“… oh…”

“This has never been public information, and it never will be, but back then… there were those who knew about this, and took advantage of it. Countless omegas suffered before those that created the OCPD put a stop to it. To protect omegas they were removed from society when they became of age, before going into heat. As you know, that didn’t work so well and omegas were completely removed from society. That’s why you’re here with us now, and why we’re here to look after you.”

“… you… you expect me to believe all of that…?”

“I know it’s a lot but-”

“Alphas were the ones that hurt me! They didn’t protect me or make me feel safe! They-”

“They’re all dead for their transgressions.”

“… what…?”

“Everyone involved with what happened to you were killed. At the time of the incident they didn’t know the truth about the OCPD, so if things had been revealed then they would have only been expelled, but that wasn’t the case. At least not anymore. They knew about omegas, and thus couldn’t return to society. It’s what they deserve for hurting you.”

“I… I didn’t…”

“I know. I’m sorry things had to get to this point.”

“I… I can’t leave… can I?”

“The world isn’t any better out there for you.”

“How would you know?”

“I’ve read the history books. I wouldn’t want you going through something like that. You’re ours to protect and look after.”

“I don’t want your protection.”

“But you have it.” Chan sighed. “I have to go speak to the headmaster about all this. So I’ll be back soon.”

“… what’s gonna happen?”

“I’m not sure. You could get taken by real agents, and I really don’t know what that entails.”

“I don’t wanna go off with strangers…”

“I’ll do my best. So for now you are to stay in the dorm. The others will keep an eye on you.”

Chan looked at the others before getting up, Minho following him. After a moment you stood up and Changbin grabbed your arm. You told him you just wanted to go to your room, and he escorted you there. On your way you saw Chan leaving, seeing a bunch of locks on the door. There was definitely no sneaking out again. Once you were in your room you shut the door, wanting to lock it but you realized the doorknob had been changed. You no longer had the option to lock your door, or your bathroom door for that matter. You wanted to be upset, but you didn’t have much energy.

You went over and sat on the floor, hiding behind your bed. You laid on the ground and stared at the ceiling, the tears starting to build up and blur your vision. Despite everything you had been told, the only thing that really stuck with you was the fact that you were at their mercy. You had felt like a prisoner before despite walking around freely. Now that was gone, and you could see you really were a prisoner, you had been all along. It’s just that now your cage had gotten much smaller. This room was supposed to be your safe space, but it certainly didn’t feel that way anymore. The tears started sliding down your face and you tried to keep your sobs to yourself, not wanting anyone to find you and try to comfort you. Not that they could.

You couldn’t help but wonder what the point of anything was. Things had been decided for you the second you were born, perhaps even before that. You grew up thinking you were safe, that your life was yours to live, but it had all been an illusion. You learned very early in life that everything was a lie. The smiles everyone wore were fake, yet you wanted to believe, you wanted everything to be okay, but that wasn’t true, not for you. Even the two you had trusted betrayed you, not necessarily of their own will but because you were helpless to the alphas. The stupid flaw in your very being that was used to cage you. All this was just starting to make you feel sick so you rushed to the bathroom to throw up.

Your head was still partially dizzy, and you haven’t felt fully present in a hot minute. That pinch from before had surely been some sort of sedative so you wouldn’t fight back. After vomiting you cleaned your mouth in the sink and then found yourself staring at your reflection. You looked so tired, so done with everything. The reasons you had been given to explain, to excuse all this, you didn’t care for it. You glanced down at your hands, raising them up and looking at them. You tried to summon your claws, but you had no idea how to do that, and the lack of success ultimately frustrated you.

In the end you just screamed and punched the mirror, shattering it in the process. You noticed a few cuts on your knuckles, but the sting didn’t really bother you. When you looked up you saw your broken reflection staring back. Your mind began to wander and the intrusive thoughts were getting louder. You grabbed a shard of glass, looking at yourself for a moment before holding the broken piece against your skin. You put pressure and slid it across your wrist. You saw red bloom from your injury, but it wasn’t as intense as you thought. Only a bit of blood came out, and you could see the edges of your injury starting to heal and close up. That didn’t change the pain, and how you bit down hard on your lip to keep from screaming.

“Y/n!”

The smell of blood had drawn attention, and next thing you knew Minho and Seungmin were in the bathroom with you. One of them was holding your wrist under running water, the other ripping up a towel to wrap up your injury. It was healing, they knew that, but at the moment they were just worried.

“Why would you do this?” Seungmin questioned. “There’s no-”

“You know why.” Minho cut in. “Just let it go for now. If she really meant to hurt herself she would have done more. Let me see your lip.”

Minho gently grabbed your chin and turned you to face him, seeing that your lip was already healing.

“Good. That must have hurt, huh?”

“…”

“Well, we certainly can’t leave you alone again, and I’m certain you don’t want an alpha around so the other omegas are gonna look after you. I doubt you want them in here so how about you get comfortable in the living room.”

It wasn’t really a request or suggestion, but an order. You had lost your privilege to be alone, although the omegas weren’t really better than the alphas. Chan hadn’t gotten back in the evening, but you told yourself to not worry about him, he wasn’t someone who deserved your attention. The alphas had made lunch, with Felix’s help, but you didn’t want to eat. The omegas ate in front of you, showing you nothing was wrong, but you certainly weren’t going to trust them. So instead Jeongin came over to you and handed you some chips and a bottle of water.

“They’re from the cafeteria, and not tampered with. Can you at least eat this?”

You stared at the chips for a minute before cautiously taking the bag. You examined, not sure what you were looking for, but you figured it would be okay. So you opened the bag and began eating. It wasn’t a proper meal, but it would help stave off the hunger. Jeongin smiled and set down the water bottle, leaving you with the others. For the most part you kept your back to the other two, not even wanting to see their faces, but you couldn’t really block out their scent. You just wanted things to be quiet, but of course they’d eventually try to talk.

“Y/n… we’re really sorry…” Jisung began. “When… when you told us… believe me we wanted to get out of here with you but… the alphas… Chan… he’d corner us and… his pheromones… they were never gonna let us leave but…they were messing with us to see if-”

“I know.” You mumbled. “I know… I can’t really be mad at you… it’s not your fault… but I’m still upset… or angry… or depressed… I don’t even know anymore… it’s all over anyway… I tried, and failed… they’re probably gonna pay more attention to me now… just… don’t talk to me… I can’t right now…”

“Alright…”

You sniffled, not wanting to break down and cry again, not out in the open. Time seemed to drag on but eventually the sun went down. You could hear how the dorm got quieter and quieter. Jisung and Felix eventually fell asleep but you couldn’t. You didn’t want to fall asleep and wake up still in this nightmare, it’d be too cruel. Besides, you were scared of passing out and waking up somewhere else entirely. At some point in the night you heard someone getting up and you quickly hid out of sight. You saw Minho walk past, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and going to the door. He unlocked it and let Chan in. The boy looked exhausted, but he was alive.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Minho questioned.

“The headmaster’s pissed that something like this happened. He wanted y/n transferred to an actual group of agents, but I argued that wasn’t a good idea right now. She should stay with us, at least for a while longer.”

“What are we supposed to do?”

“I know we can figure something out, but we’ll talk more in the morning.”

The were heading over to their rooms when Chan stopped. Despite hiding he realized you were awake, and carefully came over until you were in view.

“You should be sleeping.”

“… can’t…”

“Hm.”

Chan looked back at Minho and told him to head to bed. The boy didn’t argue and returned to his room. Once he was gone Chan’s gaze turned to you.

“Would you mind coming with me somewhere? I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise.”

You stared at Chan without giving a response, but he got up and walked away regardless. He went down another hall, leading more towards the empty rooms in the dorm. You watched him disappear out of sight. Curiosity was getting the best of you so you got up and followed him. It was probably a bad idea, but at the same time you wanted to know what he meant. You wound up seeing a door open at the end of the hall, peeking in to see Chan staring out the window. It was really late at night, and the crescent moon gave the room some light.

“Could you close the door? I’d say lock it but I doubt you want to do that.”

This was a bad idea, you were screaming at yourself in the back of your mind, yet you walked into the room and shut the door. You didn’t lock it, but stayed where you were. After a moment he walks up to you and stops right in front of you, slowly reaching over to your bandaged wrist.

“The boys messaged me about what you did, may I see?” You didn’t stop him from grabbing your arm and pulling back the bandage. “It’s nearly healed. That’s good, so why would you do such a thing?”

“Why bother living if my life is meaningless?”

“That’s not true. You can live a safe and full life here, which many others didn’t get to do. You can do things your way.”

“What do you want?”

Chan sighed. “Hit me.”

“What?”

“I can understand you’re upset and you must be feeling incredibly powerless. The first time something bad happened to you there was nothing you could do to help yourself. So this time you took matters into your own hands, and I’m sorry I had to interfere with that. You must be upset with me, so hit me. Let it all out, I won’t fight back.”

“… I’m not gonna…”

“I’m serious. The room’s far from the others, so they won’t hear anything. I can lock the door if you want as well.”

“…”

“Hit me. If you want to hurt someone, hurt me, not yourself.”

You weren’t into this idea, and kept your gaze away from Chan. He was still holding your arm, so he figured he’d encourage you. He rather playfully smacked your hand against his chest.

“Don’t wallow in your sadness, I don’t want you to drown it in. Come on, show me your claws, show me your fangs, tell me how you really feel.” Chan kept hitting himself with your hand. “I’m a bad alpha, aren’t I?”

“…” 

“I hurt you in a way many others won’t ever understand, or know. I’m no better than those bullies, am I? Didn’t need rope or drugs to hurt you, did I? Just being in your life-”

“Shut up!”

You yelled, freeing your arm and making a fist before hitting Chan in the chest. He took a half step back and coughed a bit, but he had a smile on his face.

“Good, keep going. Or else I’m not gonna shut up.”

“You think you’re so high and mighty just cause you’re an alpha! Cause you’re at the top of society!” You slammed both your fists down on Chan’s chest. “I thought we’d be equals here since we both lost our parents, but no!”

You let out a growl, feeling a tingling sensation at your fingertips and glancing down to see your claws. You stared for a moment, caught up in your own head before Chan’s words snapped you back to the moment.

“Alphas are still on top, aren’t we? We’re supposed to protect you cause you’re so help-”

“Shut up!” You clawed into his chest. “This is all your fault! If you hadn’t broken into my room and assaulted me-”

“I did not assault you.”

“Using your pheromones is the same shit! If you would have left me alone none of this would have ever happened!”

You screamed and pounced on Chan, knocking him to the floor, your claws digging into his shoulder. You could see the discomfort on his face, but he was holding back, trying not to make a sound. You dug your claws in deeper until he groaned, his eyes flashing red for a moment as he made an attempt to get you off but you bit into his arm. This time he screamed and pulled himself free. You growled and dug your claws in deeper which caused him to go still. His breathing was a bit uneven, but he stared up at you.

“Do you hate me?”

“You ruined everything! You’re worse than the bastards who bullied me! Why aren’t you dead too! Why do you get to keep living as if you did nothing wrong!”

You pulled out your claws and swiped at Chan’s face. He winced from the initial sting but he bit his tongue. His eyes flickered red for a moment, but he shut them tight.

“Look at me you monster!”

You dug your claws into his upper arms, shaking him a bit until he opened his eyes. The color was still flickering back and forth but you didn’t care. Despite the anger and yelling, tears began to build up. Your grip loosened a bit, and your panting became louder in your ears. You felt a pain in your chest, in your heart, and then the tears started sliding down your cheeks. They were silent, and a few drops fell onto Chan’s face. The red in his eyes faded to brown, and he watched you quietly.

“… I used to be able to pretend… pretend that what happened to me was… was just bad luck… that I’d be okay someday… but then you just… why’d we have to meet that day…” You rest your head against his chest, sobbing between your words. “… I can’t play pretend anymore…”

Chan reached over with his less injured arm, gently rubbing your back. He definitely had pain all over, but his priority was you.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

[slow-burn-sally]

I hear neurodivergent people talking about "neurotypicals this" and "neurotypicals that", and I have to say that I honestly don't know what a neurotypical looks like. I cannot spot them.

This might be because I thought I was neurotypical for the majority of my life. So many people know so little about ADHD, Autism, OCPD, OCD etc. that I couldn't see myself in those disorders because no one knows what those disorders actually entail.

Additionally, neurodivergents are drawn to other neurodivergents, and literally (and I mean literally) all of my close friends are also neurodivergent. So was/is my family. So I grew up absolutely surrounded. It's very hard to parse out what "normal" or "NT" behavior is supposed to be when literally everyone around you is some form of ND.

What's even MORE bonkers, is that you can be ND, consider yourself NT, and then criticize other ND people for their ND traits. It's totally a thing. I know, because I did it a lot when I thought I was NT. I said so many ableist things, and had so many unfair opinions.

When I came out as autistic to my (literally also autistic) friends, I was met with the exact same gaslighting, disbelief and ableism that you'd expect from an NT.

Being "basic" doesn't make you NT

Being successful doesn't make you NT

Being judgmental of others with disabilities doesn't make you NT

What might make you NT is going to a doctor, getting a broad spectrum of tests that prove you're not ND. No one does this... so, you can't just point to a person with good hair, a job and a partner and shout "Neurotypical!"

This isn't Us vs. Them. It's Us vs. Us and Them.

[badwolff7]

It’s funny because I think people often confuse things commonly associated with OCD vs OCPD.

Like for instance, the fist example here with the organization preoccupation aligns more with the rigid functionalism of the Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. (Which is actually in a whole different section of the DSM under “category c personality disorders”, where OCD is aptly filed under “obsessive compulsive and related disorders” source).

The stereotypical and colloquial view of OCD symptoms, i.e. organization and perfectionism, are way more indicative of OCPD as two of the diagnostic criteria for that personality disorder include “preoccupation with details/rules/schedules” and “a striving to do something perfectly which interferes with the completion of the task” source. On the other hand, actual OCD requires the presence of obsessions and compulsions. Not just one or the other. Obsessions in this case being defined as “unwanted, intrusive thoughts which usually cause marked distress or anxiety” and compulsions being “excessive/repetitive, purposeful behaviors which people feel they must do to prevent or reduce the anxiety caused by obsessions, these may or may not be logically correlated with the specific anxiety/obsession” source.

So, many times when people claim to have a symptom of OCD or they are describing something which they believe to be OCD, they are actually describing behaviors more akin to a completely different (yet confusingly named) personality disorder.

But also…. One key difference between OCD and OCPD is that a person with true OCD usually knows that there is something going wrong with the way they are feeling/behaving. Personality disorders on the other hand are harder to diagnose because individuals are more often convinced that there is nothing abnormal about the way they behave or the things they believe source.

Of course, I am not a mental health professional, so I cannot say with any credible authority what people on TikTok might be experiencing in the realm of these symptoms, but I just think it’s fascinating and a bit enlightening that these two disorders which have little to do with one another are so often conflated because of their confusingly similar names.

Just a little brain worm from someone who had to write a paper on the exact subject for a psych class in college. :)

woobified tiktok ocd is always like "If my pens aren't all lined up i get Sooooo Annoyed!! X3" and actual ocd is like "if i put my left sock on before my right sock my family will die" and "kissing my partner is pedophilia because they used to be a child I'm such an awful person" and i think thats.... interesting..

[bipolarmango]

OCPD things I wish people would understand

I have a hard time showing I'm not good, or better yet, perfect at something. I was learning my ex's language and he laughed at me and said I sound like someone who has had seven bottles of wine. I never spoke the language when he was around ever again. Other people can't understand why you just can't show up at a dance class when you havenever danced, or speak a new language badly, or sign when you know you can't hit the high note.

Nothing less than the score I've set as my "good enough" limit will do. Going below that is failing and it's just unacceptable. It's not "just one thing", it's something to beat yourself over until you've proved that you perfected the thing you failed at. Many times over. It's nightmares for 15 years because you failed a course in high school and it won't leave you alone.

Hobbies are never to just have fun. You must perfect them.

People just don't do stuff well enough. You hate yourself for having to rewrite, replan, redo everything other people - even your friends and family - have done because it's just... not good. You want for them to succeed but they suck and you must redo the stuff.

You suddenly have not had a date for a year, seen your friends for months, or invested time in hobbies, and you're on the edge of burnout because you just work and study. And do it better.

You have to deal with your own moral and ethical code all the time, and it's high. It dominates your studies, your work, your consumption, your relationships, everything. And if you break it, you will feel the consequences. It's not like you can just stop caring about it. Literally, you may lose tons of money because you can't accept a job that goes against your values.

Everything needs to be on lists and schedules. Excel files will drive everyone crazy but you can't stop. You have your budget planned for five years in advance.